“If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.” – John Mayer
By now I’m sure you understand the overall effects of porn and masturbation, and you’re ready to make some changes to improve your life.
If you have been watching porn for more than one year – which is probably the case with 99% of men reading this book – then it’s going to be difficult to just quit cold turkey. You may be able to do this for two weeks or a month, but your cravings and withdrawals will be so hard that it would be easy for you to watch porn again.
And you may try it again and then the same thing will happen. You may get to a point where you give up and declare that you’re going to watch porn for the rest of your life.
I recommend a long-term, sustainable plan to letting go of porn and masturbation with three main focus areas:
- Reduce the amount of times you watch porn.
- Reduce the time spent watching porn.
- Reduce the number of scenes you watch.
Also, stop fast forwarding or skipping to the parts you want to watch. Anticipation is healthier for you than the instant stimulus of going straight into penetration and ejaculation. You need to eliminate that novelty factor of porn, which fuels your addiction. The goal is to make watching porn unenjoyable and less novel, and to spend less time doing it.
Never again allow yourself to go on a porn binge for hours.
Make a declaration to yourself right now that the porn binges are a thing of the past, and you are now going to commit to cutting back on porn use and masturbation. I want you to push yourself to get back into the real world to replace pornographic stimulus with real world stimulus to rewire your brain back to a healthy functioning state.
Here’s how to do this:
- Stage 1: Cut the number of times you watch porn, the time spent, and number of scenes in half.
For example, a heavy user may watch porn 4 times per day, 30 minutes each time and watch 10 scenes each time. So cut it in half to 2 times per day, 15 minutes each session, and only 5 scenes.
- Stage 2: Once per day for 8 minutes and only 3 scenes for 30 days.
- Stage 3: Every other day for 8 minutes and only 2 scenes for 30 days.
- Stage 4: Once per week for 8 minutes and only 2 scenes for 30 days.
- Stage 5: Every other week or twice per month for 8 minutes and only 1 scene for 30 days.
- Stage 6: Once per month for 5 minutes and only 1 scene for 90 days.
For many, Stage 5 is a healthy place to be – you are only watching porn every other week (twice per month). This would be considered a huge win for any former porn addict.
If you find yourself falling short, then simply reset your 30 days. It’s okay if you’re stuck at any stage for 60 or even 90 days. Ideally you can get to stage 6 in about 9 months, but if it takes you 12 months or longer, then there is nothing wrong with that either.
Everyone has their own journey, but the key is that you started, and you have to remember being at Stage 4 is much better than where you were last year. Don’t be too hard on yourself – just don’t give up or think this isn’t something you can’t do.
I believe the only way someone will quit watching porn and masturbating forever is when they create a life of their choosing and are living their best life. When a man receives his stimulus from a healthy sex life, has strong friendships, loves his work, and is financially free (not a millionaire but just doesn’t worry about money), and pursues his passions, there is little room for porn and masturbation.
My ultimate goal for you is to not only to stop watching porn and masturbating but to use this extra free time to focus on creating the life of your dreams. Whatever that looks like, go in that direction and become the best man you can be.